whew

wow, i have to say that in the past month, i have been through more shit than ever before in my life, and i don't say that in a feel bad for me kinda way, i mean it's simply it's the truth. To summarize, i had the worst track season of my life, when it was the most important year for running, yeah we had states last weekend, which was a total bust for me, although we did win it as a team.... i still scored some points rather pathetically. i really have nothing to blame it on, i think at that point i was just so physically and mentally exhausted from everything, i just didn't have anything left, which is bad i know, but it's all over now.
so first off is track, secondly is everything with mary evelyn. right now she's home and just slowly gaining weight and getting ready to have surgery. my parents have a meeting with the cardiologist on June 14th and that's when we find out when the surgery will be. it's probobly going to be towards the end of the summer. But, until then we don't know what our summer holds. we don't know if we'll be able to travel or anything. we were supposed to go to NY but everything in life has been put on hold. so far for this summer, these are the plans: 1. XC camp w/ my girls!! 2. Journalsim camp at UNC, don't hate it's really cool. 3. Jason's lake house w/ Mel... most def happening soon 4. Topsail island- CFL reunion Kathryn? 5. trips to d-town to see all those ppl. That's all the plans for now, we'll see what else develops
Next up is drama with boy (s) and friends, i guess i probobly would be safe writing about it on here sine NO ONE reads this shit, but i'm not into putting everything out there for everyone to read... so yeah sorry just know there was drama.
Then there are grades, holy shit, i have a D in Mrs. Brown's class... wow, that's pathetic i know, i'm praying it goes up with ALL the extra credit i have,and i'm thinking it will, but my grades are suffering.

OK so that's my life, but things are starting to settle, Finally and I have to say througout all of this there's one thing that has kept me sane, love from the people I care about most.... My family and my friends are what keeps me alive, when I am at the END of my line, and I would not have survived this past month without them, everyone who's been there fore me I have to just say THANK YOU right now, for everything, your sacrifices, your listening to me complain, your kindness, i love you all so much.
I'm gonna go but I can't wait til summer, it's fast approaching, only exams and SAT's left until freedom. wish me luck. LOVE, BERNADETTE

in journalism...

Ok so where do I start?
Last week was insanely CRAZY. Probobly the most crazy week of my life. My Mom and newest sister, Mary Evelyn, just got home from the hospital on Sunday. Evelyn still has to go back for open heart surgery in a few months, so keep her in your prayers. Then on Friday I had PROM. Holla. ha ha. Prom was actually so much fun- Sean was a good date, such a gentleman. And I just love all my XC girls. Even with ALL the drama, it was still a really good time.
As for now, I missed school last week because of my mom and stuff and I'm Soooo behind. I have a billion tests to make up, whatever. I don't care anymore... GAH.
Well i have states next weekend. Wish me luck, I'm scared! Anyway, I'm getting bored w/ this, so more later I guess.
Peace,
Bernadette

I laid on the floor and my hand swalloed his as he clung to me for comfort. Right now everything is pretty unsure. My parents are at the Birthing Center and my new baby sister has just been rushed to the hospital on a streacher, after being alive no more than a few hours. The little kids don't know, only Moira and I . My Grandma is down the hall, I doubt she's asleep. My Dad is more troubled than I think I've ever seen him, when we're leaving to go over to Steve Dear's house to spent the night.
It's weird because everything seemed fine at first, but I had a really weird feeling. I just had a feeling something might go wrong. Then when I held her, I looked at her face, and I thought I noticed something. I tried to convince myself I was wrong and that the Doctors would have noticed and done something about it if there was anything wrong. However not to long after, my Dad is called by the Mid wife to go talk privately, and then I knew. A few minutes later he calls us all out into the hall minus the little kids and tells us Mary Evelyn is "not well." She may have heart problems and her breathing is weak and they think she has down syndrome. I guess I kind of knew. My Mom noticed her face too and thought she probobly did. None the less I think she's beautiful.
Moira's asking me a lot of questions when I don't really know anything. My Dad was very upset on the phone. He didn't know much of anything all he said was " Seeint them take that baby away on the strecher was just about all I could handle."
I tell Moira a little bit about down syndrome and as she keeps asking, I just tell her, All we can do is hope and pray.